I have read a few articles lately about the phenomenon of our Internet lives being way more perfect than they really are, which is creating a sense of worthlessness in people. (They see someone else's blog or Instagram and get depressed that their house isn't as cute, food as delicious, kids as perfect, or 'hubby' as sexy...) I thought about my life and what appears on the World Wide Webs and was like, “Well, I guess I'm doing okay. My Internet persona is quite accurate — if not slightly more depressing than my actual life.” I think the fact that I have this blog says it all (and if you feel the need to delve more into my life and see that you are doing just great — mosey on over to my other, which is full of self-deprecating stories and delightfully awful childhood photos).
Today is one of those days where I feel like my Internet life is just too real. You see, over the weekend someone asked me to share snippets of my dating life and in the process I naturally Facebook stalked an old first date, only to find out that in the last year he not only found a girl that wanted to go on multiple dates with him — but he got married! What have I done in the last year in regards to finding a backseat companion for my lonely tandem? Well, I have been on dates with a whopping 2 different guys. What can I say? It has been a very busy (nope, just normal) year.
Now on to the date.
As some of you may know, it took me just a tad longer than the usual 4 years to get my (art, nonetheless) degree. Over the past 7 years while acquiring my diploma I had a side business: I would sell BYUSSR shirts (if you are not from the area, it is a joke on the BYU Student Association that affectively does nothing on campus) to whomever contacted me through the Facebook group. Exchanges are done fairly quickly, usually somewhere on campus, and generally I never heard from the people again. Last year however, one of my buys went slightly askew.
I showed up at the art building on campus with the shirt draped over my bag so the buyer could spot me. Once he noticed me, we said about 5 words; I handed him the shirt; and he handed me a few bills. Not 10 feet later I had a text from him, “Thank you, it was nice to meet you.” Being the first ever thank you for my handiwork I appreciated it but thought nothing more.
A few hours later as I was working I got another text, “So my friends would give me a hard time if I had a girls number (even in this circumstance) and didn't ask her out.” After talking to my sister who convinced me to give him a chance I agreed to go out on the coming Friday. The mystery boy was so ecstatic about the date, however, that he forgot to ever ask my name. Finally I sent a text saying, “By the way, my name is Bethany.” to which he replied, “Oh yeah, mine is Dalex.” (His name has obviously been changed because as you will soon read he could quite possibly be the only “Dalex.”)
The week went along normally with a few text messages exchanged:
“Do you have any food allergies?”
“Would you rather watch Harry Potter or go to the comedy show Laugh Out Loud?”
“Where should I pick you up?”
if i had a photo of me puking it would go next to this.
Then on Thursday he decided to let me in on the date details. “So I am thinking that we will go fast food shopping at 7 and then go to Laugh Out Loud.” I don't know about you, but I had absolutely zero idea what fast food shopping was and after quizzing a few of my friends I realized that I was not alone. After asking “Dalex” about it he explained that it is where you go to multiple fast food restaurants and order one thing at each until you have had a full meal. Since I am a girl and only need one hamburger I decided it was better just to ask if we could just to go to In and Out and call it good.
Friday night came and I drove myself to campus for a friend's senior recital and told “Dalex” he could pick me up there. For the record, nothing is more awkward than waiting in the campus parking lot for someone to pick you up that you can't identify, let alone their vehicle. He swooped in, and in his car I climbed. After about 10 seconds we both realized that neither of us was hungry so we were both happy to bag (me probably more than him) the idea of “fast food shopping.” Now with dinner out of the way we had more time to kill with the Q-and-A that accompanies all first dates.
As we drove around the side of campus he squeamishly looked at me and declared, “Oh no, I forgot my book of questions to ask people when I first meet them...” Assuring him that we would be OK winging conversation he froze and said quite abruptly, “So why did you say yes?!” Naturally I answered with the truth: “Because my sister told me I had to.” The conversation stayed about this epic for the next 10 minutes as we parked the car and wandered around campus until we got to the student center where we found some couches to sit on. He naturally sat at a table a good 7 feet from me so that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable (or was it more uncomfortable?).
“Oh no, I forgot my book of pictures to show you who I am. That would be faster than if I try to tell you. It was something we did on the mission. A lot of people thought it was creepy, but I really liked it.” This sparked him to bring out his Kindle, which had many of his Facebook photos (which I had obviously already stalked since his name was so unique). They mostly revolved around his love of Asia (how he kind of thinks of himself as Korean since he lived there two years...) and his massive tie collection. He then made some comment about how I could have Facebook stalked him since he is the only “Dalex” on Facebook. This finally gave me reason to ask about his unusual name.
“Well my name is David Alex and my dad's name is David so naturally I went by Alex. This got to be a problem when my teachers would always call me by the wrong name on the first day of school, so my mom had my name changed to D. Alex in the school directory. When I got to high school there were too many Alexes in band, so they started calling me ‘Dalex.’ I was way cooler in high school than junior high, so I decided to keep it for college."
Solid argument there.
Our conversation then migrated to how he was wearing a “Chuck Norris is a Cougar Fan” T-shirt and he hoped I wasn't offended since he didn't buy it from me. I reassured him that I only sell the one shirt so all is fine. I am not one to dwell on people's appearances, but I did find it odd that when he met me I was wearing a fitted dress coat with skinny jeans and 4-inch heels and for our date he was trying to impress me with a T-shirt tucked into his jeans with a pleather jacket and one of those tiny drawstring bags--that mostly football players use for their shoes--covered in pins. I guess this is a clear example of opposites attract.
After he made the fatal flaw of asking me about BYU housing (he was an RA for Freshmen housing) and hearing my disdain for the system we decided it was a good time to go over to the show.
By the time the comedy show was over it was after 10 and our date had been going for a solid 3 hours. On the way to the car he started talking about how we should get food. There was no argument from me that he couldn't skirt around.
“Oh well I guess if you are like, This guy is creeping me out!” then I could take you home.”
If you are a boy know that this is the WORST sentence you can say on a first date. Suddenly if I said I was ready to go home because I was exhausted he would take it as me saying he is a creep, and if I said I wanted to eat I was giving false hope that I wanted this to go somewhere.
To stay on the safe side (and since he was anything but creepy; he was very nice —just a bit awkward) I said we could go grab something quick. He suggested a close yogurt shop that I had never been to before. However, upon arriving at said shop I realized I had been there, just another location.
yes, i am smart.
if college only taught me one thing it wasn't how to create
art or give a speech but rather how to avoid
giving boys my address.
Dalex: “Oh, so its not new and exciting, we don't need to go here.”
Me: “If you want yogurt we can go, its fine. I like the one I have been to.”
Dalex: “I'm lactose intolerant.”
I guess he was okay with just watching me eat yogurt???
After skipping the non-exciting yogurt shop he started aimless driving around south Provo. “Do you need to go to Wal-Mart?” he queried. “Do you need to go to any other stores?” After reassuring him that I had all my shopping done and would not need anything before Sunday I asked him to drop me off back on campus, to which he replied:
“Oh, that was smart of you to have me pick you up on campus so I don't know where you live in case I turned out to be creepy!”
And with that i drove myself home.