no wimps, no whiners, no bozos.

My instagram only proves my utter demise

Let's talk about real life:


like how i just purchased a lime green mixer for no reason other than it was lime green (okay, and a really good deal) and i currently have a boring white--exactly the same--mixer.

or, how i just logged into my work computer--which is located exactly two rooms and one flight of stairs away--from my bed because the last thing i can consider is even one stair (thank you, knee surgery).

and ever since i had surgery and went under anesthesia i am finding it super hard to eat meat and vegetables which leaves me craving--and consuming--carbs and straight up sugar. You guys, it took me over ONE AND A HALF HOURS to eat half a Cafe Rio quesadilla after my surgery and i hadn't had any food or drink in almost 24 hours. This problem is real, so very real.

And that basically sums up my life, a lack of movement, too much shopping and an obscene amount of carbs.

and let's be honest, this has been my life for a year... at least.

I can't say exactly what happened to me. I can blame it on stress. I can blame it on boys breaking my heart. I can blame it on the thyroid problem i am hoping i have at this point. Or that stupid game of football last Thanksgiving that cost me my meniscus and half my acl. But anyway you slice it, i did it to myself and i have to get my body back under control.

I am that type of aunt, buy them the biggest donut to keep them happy.

So this is my public denunciation of terrible food. For me, i know that my size totally depends on what i eat and how good i look depends on exercising. Since i currently still walk like an 80 year old, exercise is mostly out of the question, which means my only hope is is getting my eating under control. I can't do it gradually, i have tried so many times, i have to do it cold turkey and super intensely.

We used to have a saying when i was in scouts (and yes, i was in BSA as a teenager in the co-ed scouting program, Ventures), "No Wimps, No Whiners, No Bozos." This is my new mantra, if i want get back to my--i am ashamed to say it--two closets of size 6 clothes i can't whine, wimp out or clown around.

My 'dress only' closet and now the background of my phone. There are SO many gems in there i have been neglecting!

So you all now have permission (and i would love you all the more if you actually do) to text me and ask what i have been eating or if i managed to squeeze on real pants instead of leggings or if i have been eating out AT ALL or if my currently giant boobs are still sitting on my stomach rolls (rolls, as in plural, only when i sit down but still, COME ONE BETHANY!). Bug me! Encourage me! Join me!

I don't need any more incentives. I have bought more clothes over the last year than ever before as rewards, new shirts, pants, dresses, and even a swimsuit. I made a book of photos where i am skinny to look at. I need support and accountability.

So tonight i lay to rest my 30 lb weight gain and say goodbye to my beloved chimichangas, homemade sweets, donuts, cafe rio, and soda. (basically no carbs other than fruits/veggies, no sweets, and no eating out on my own)

And now that i am moving on with this part of my life i can get onto the better things like reviving my awkward dating blog and maybe actually reading a book.

This would be so much easier if i sucked at baking...

and now we will end on a high note which most certainly means old photos where i look healthier and a photo from yesterday just because i was having a killer hair day.

My hair, definitely one thing i have going for me right now.